Almost there, kids! Friday is the end of the month, and I think I am SO over alcohol that this was the best thing ever for me. 🙂
A few of you donated to Tamara’s Avon 39 Walk, thank you for that. I’d hoped to raise more money for her, but every little bit counts, so I’m happy.
If you’re considering taking time off from drinking, a great book to read about it is “Between Drinks“, which I reviewed quite a while here. No one is saying you have to stop across the board, but sometimes taking time off helps you realize just how much, and in what ways, drinking, even casually, if affecting your life and your health. I have pains that have disappeared, and except for getting sick last Monday, overall, I feel pretty darned good!
Breast cancer, on the other hand, is something that will not go away by putting down the glass, but doing so can help prevent it in some cases. More research is needed to see what more they can do to get rid of this cancer once and for all, so please, even though you may have been reading along to see how sobriety is doing for me, remember why I did it in the first place, and even if you can’t donate now, keep it in mind and do so at another time if possible. BTW, does anyone remember that site that allows you to click on it each day and a donation is made to breast cancer, or for animals, or reading…there are 5 or 6 causes you can donate to (without any actual money) just by clicking. If you remember, please comment; I want to promote that site in a post. Thanks!
So….still feeling off but managed to go into work yesterday. As the day got busier, I became more tired, and as today is the busiest day of our month, I opted out. Eating only popsicles and crackers doesn’t lend one much energy, suffice it to say.
It’s the 26th; there is still time to donate to my friend’s Avon 39 Walk, and I’m still happily #dryjuly -ing my way through life. Yay! I had every intention of saving what I would have spent on booze this month and donating it, but I’ve ended up taking so much time out of work that it all went to bills instead. I still have time, so next month I will donate.
As I look at the bullet points, I’m reminded of this blog post, Dear Blogger, that totally cracked me up.
What are your thoughts on newsletters? I have mixed feelings: many want you to sign up and receive a free something for doing so, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you want to read more of their blog/newsletters in the future, right? There may just be something in that one particular post that caught your interest, right? I have a newsletter (though I haven’t written anything in it in a while) and I’m deciding whether to continue with it or not.
Recently, two well-known women’s Facebook accounts have been removed or frozen (I think there was a third, but I can’t remember who it is); Beth Owl’s Daughter, and Pixie Lighthorse. It all has to do with FB’s random “that’s not your real name” policy, and as we all know how I feel about FB, I chose to delete my account this morning, after posting that I would last night. I woke to this, and have been laughing ever since. I wasn’t that bad, but I’m sure I was close.;) It’s not the people; it’s the platform and their practices (such as were mentioned in Pixie’s blog). I’m not sure why this video isn’t showing up on its own, but check it out anyway!
Sorry I’ve been MIA. First there was the back-to-work part, then there was an all of a sudden, out of the blue, holy crap, I’m sick part. That’s still going on.
Ended up going to the ER to see what’s up, but no definitive answer. Taking meds that make me woozy and set the tremors to “nuts”, and am hoping things resolve soon, cuz I really don’t want to go back. 5 hours is long time to be in a hospital gown. 😉
I haven’t even thought about drinking, and when I see someone doing so, it’s not in the slightest bit tempting. How cool is that?
Well, just a short note, cuz the meds gave me a nasty headache, too.
Forge on, #dryjuly4breastcancer !!!!
Now, to the important part: I ask any and every one to please, please send prayers, healing thoughts, healing energies, whatever you can to my neighbor’s darling little girl who has been fighting neuroblastoma, and has just had a relapse. She’s about to undergo all the crap needed to remove the newest tumor, and it’s sheer torture for her. She needs our help, and lots of it. So please, in whatever way you do what you do, ask for what you ask for…do so for her. Thank you.
15 days today, kids. 15. I’m in a bit of shock over that, and at the same time, I’m surprised it’s been as easy as it has. I really expected many more days of really, really wanting a beer, but it hasn’t been that way. I mentioned back at the beginning of the month that I was going to pay attention to my emotions and see which ones drive the desire, and I’ve narrowed it down to one primary emotion: anger.
Anger has many definitions, and I’m learning that my personal anger encompasses many feelings, most especially the feeling of disempowerment. It’s how I feel – quite often, come to find out – when I am in a situation wherein a complete lack of control over my own life is the overwhelming emotion. Situations when I do things to keep the peace, when I must work to pay bills and put food on the table when I’d rather be sending light or reading a book, when communication is so tumultuous and full of roadblocks that I just want to scream and cry with frustration…and on and on. I was unaware at how little control I feel I have, and how little satisfaction I am getting from my life. There’s a huge feeling of beating my head against a wall, and, even stronger than that, of keeping the peace at the expense of my own peace and serenity. One can’t say what really needs to be said to that particular customer who makes you want to pull your hair out, nor is raging at someone who drives you bat-shit crazy with sheer frustration acceptable, and that extreme need to express one’s self – yet not be able to – leads to the need to be all stabby; and as that is really not ok to do, that turns into a deep, dive-into-the-ocean desire for alcohol to make it all go away before you do or say something you can’t take back.
I originally went into this #dryjuly with the thought that any and all emotions and day-to-day experiences were what leads people (well, me) to drink, but I’ve learned differently. I don’t feel the desire to drink when I’m happy or content (though a hot summer day can make a cold beer sound really, really good), and the habit of picking up beer after work has quickly gone away (that surprised me almost more than anything else). Nope, it all comes down to being middle-aged and feeling that “is this all there is and is it always going to be like this?” will never go away. That I’ll die full of frustrated dreams, unsaid words, and an deep well of anger.
I sort of took the weekend off from blogging, it seems. 😉 Saturday is my Monday, and not much happened worth writing about, so I just worked and then continued with a lot of reading I had done on my days off. I devoured ‘The Glittering World‘ in two evenings: it was equally spooky, creepy, a bit gory here and there, and ultimately hard to put down. I read til I couldn’t keep my eyes open both nights, and then Saturday I found myself looking forward to getting back into it when I got home, and then remembered that I’d finished it! It’s one of those books where you’re left thinking, “what happens next?!?!”. I wonder if there will be a sequel…
I haven’t been writing much about the energy healing I do, but today I thought I’d tie it and breast cancer together. The work I do releases trapped and stuck emotions, sometimes bringing them to the surface so they can be dealt with once and for all, and sometimes removing them in such a way that you don’t have to deal with them: I never know how it will work for each person as the work is actually being done by the person’s soul and “upstairs” – I’m simply the happy conduit. But it always does something. It may not always be immediately obvious, and other times it’s so obvious that you’re glad you were home when you received the light because that burst of crying as the emotions were released would have been really embarrassing at work. 😉
Breast cancer comes about for many, many reasons, and on an emotional level it can be caused by feeling a lack of nurturing; that no one takes care of you, you do all the caring. It can also be grief, locked up and never let out. It can be because you lost your mother, or that your mother was one of those who never learned how to be nurturing and so your life was pretty much about taking care of yourself, or sometimes, taking care of her. Regardless the reason, the work I do can help. No, I’m not saying I can cure breast cancer – I would never promise something like that, ever – but it can help to release the stored grief and loneliness and sadness that can lead to the cancer. It’s a completely non-invasive method of alternative healing that can have far-reaching benefits with no medicine involved. Check out my pages under Heart’s Peace Healing…the gift of a remote healing session is a nice surprise. 😉
Rather than write about me today, I decided to do some research and pull up some facts on the connection between alcohol and breast cancer.
Right off the tip, DuckDuckGo pulled up an article by the Susan G. Komen Foundation, which states in the very first paragraph, “A pooled analysis of data from 53 studies found for each alcoholic drink consumed per day, the relative risk of breast cancer increased by about seven percent. Women who had two to three alcoholic drinks per day had a 20 percent higher risk of breast cancer.” That’s a lot of percents! Most ‘normal drinkers’ will have a glass or two of wine nightly, and that 20% can add up quickly. Most ‘problem drinkers’ will jump down the rabbit hole and their percents are sky-high. It’s a miracle that I don’t have breast cancer, quite frankly. And I’m grateful beyond the tellin’.
This blog post pulls in information that states that, “For postmenopausal women even less than one drink a day was associated with up to a 30% increase in breast cancer mortality compared to non-drinkers.” Yikes. I’m heading in that direction, and a 30% increase is an increase I just don’t need, as I plan to live to be 110 and give my descendants a run for their money. 😉 I like how she mentions that one does not need to drink wine to get the benefits of Resveratrol – which, according to this article, you’d have to drink 1,000 litres of red wine daily to get, – and as for the atrial fibrillation, I know that there were many a nights when I woke to my heartbeat racing like a thoroughbred in the Kentucky Derby, and let me tell you, it’s one freaky, scary feeling when it doesn’t slow down no matter what you do.
Then I found a study that states no correlation in premenopausal women, but a definite one in post-menopausal women. Now one could conceivably think, “Yay, that means I’m ok!”, but the overwhelming body of research finds a correlation, regardless of age, between alcohol and breast cancer. Period (this raises the percentages more than in the Susan G. Komen article). So I’m with the woman in the blog mentioned above; stick with blueberries and grapes!
Breastcancer.org is full of all the latest info (as is Susan G. Komen); check them out. Educate yourself on this pervasive disease. And donate! The funds raised for the Avon 39 Walk to End Breast Cancer ALL go for breast cancer. All of it. Be a part of something wonderful and help!
Ah, I love Wednesdays!! It’s my first day off (of 3), and the day when I get back into sending #gentlehealinglight after working out in the world. I have someone in the UK to whom I send light every Wednesday, and I look forward to it each week. I love the feel of the energy flowing through my hands (and into my teddy bear as he stands in for the client), and the way my mind wanders as I’m doing so, not focused on anything in particular, but landing lightly on little thoughts here and there, and then suddenly an insect or a bird or some thing will catch my eye, and it ends up being pertinent to the person receiving the light. It doesn’t always happen, but when it does, I’m always surprised at the response. 🙂
My friend Renata has been posting pictures of Lenormand cards, as she is trying to learn it, too, and I have (thank you, Mentha!) one of the decks she has, The Fairy Tale Oracle, and pulled it out this morning and drew some cards. Now keep in mind, originally the cards were only read in the Grand Tableau, which is ALL the cards spread out, and they were read in reference to the Man or Woman card (depending on the querent), so these mini-spreads aren’t quite the same and can make things a bit difficult to understand, but they’re still fun. If you’re interested in the Lenormand cards, this is a great blog: Learn Lenormand.
This is what I pulled for today:
The anchor is traditionally about stability, fish are about business income (yay!), and the star is fame. And today being the day I do the work I love, from these cards to the prosperity deities’ ears. 😉
I was thinking this morning how little I’ve actually thought about alcohol, and wondering if this is the time that it will really stick. Then I told myself not to do that, because every time I do, I sabotage myself. So I shall keep my focus on breast cancer, and not on my personal journey (at least in my head). What will happen at the end of the month will happen, and I’m not going to second-guess myself in any way. And yesterday my guy told me he was proud of me for sticking with it. 🙂 Go, me.
Happy Woden’s Day! I’m trying to stay off my twisted ankle as much as possible, so back to reading Tom Robbins and then there will be light to send!
By which, sadly, I do not mean, “Yum, I want some.”, but instead, “Ewwww…it’s like syrup!” Seriously, a week off alcohol, and the smell of beer on my guy’s breath is like being in a vat of some icky sweet syrup. I can just smell the way the carbs have turned into glucose in him. It’s nasty. 😉
BTW, if you ever, ever thought that by brushing your teeth, chewing gum, or eating a mint, that no one will know you’ve been drinking…you are SO wrong. Believe me. Don’t fool yourself; that officer, and your other, half know exactly what you’ve been doing. So does the store clerk who refused to serve you (though, quite frankly, I have never, ever run into one who didn’t serve me, no matter how wobbly I was, sad to say). No, none of that has happened this month (or anywhere in the past x number of years); these are just examples.
Anyway, it really gets one to thinking about what all that carbs-gone-sugar is doing to the body. Definitely can’t be good.
Yesterday I was checking FB really quickly and found a post about Project Semicolon. I’d never heard of it, and gave it a look. It’s a really neat movement to help highlight mental illnesses, depression, suicidal thoughts, addiction…lots of things that are being brought to light by the #EndTheStigma hasthtag, among others (and one does not have to be of a religion to participate, even though it is a “faith-based” project), and the tattoo I’ve been putting off for a few years because I couldn’t decide what it would be…it’s decided. Twitter and Instagram have pictures people have taken of theirs, and there are some really cool variations on the semicolon, so my mind is working on what, if anything, I want to add to it. Check it out!
Here’s one of their pictures that I just found on Instagram. I like it. 🙂 BTW, does anyone know why, when you enter an Instagram url in ‘add media’, it won’t show the picture?
And now, to see if I can stand on the ankle I twisted yesterday, or decide if it’s smarter to stay home and call in. *sigh* It hurts. 😦
Yesterday on the way home from work, I caught myself wondering if I should stop at 7-11, or drive over to Circle K. For beer. Wait, what?? As I drove on home without stopping, it was really clear just how much of my particular drinking is habit, as I never actually crave alcohol. Get off work, stop at the store and buy beer. That is the most common habit, mainly because my job, while fun and interesting, can be incredibly draining at times. Working in a metaphysical shop has a huge allure, but in reality the rallying cry of “What does it mean?!?!” from the majority of customers can, in time, drive one a bit batty. “It is what it is” just isn’t what they want to hear in reply, so digging deep to remember in which book you read why a candle flame leans left instead of right (the obvious, “maybe there’s a draft” is met with disdain), or trying to find the perfect crystal for an ailment when you’ve absolutely NO idea what will help…this takes a lot out of you. It’s not all tarot decks and cool books, let me tell you. 😉
Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I have two wonderful bosses, great customers, I get to play with cool things…but there are many days where the thought of beer is what gets me through til closing. I feel lucky in the fact that I don’t, and never have, physically craved alcohol – there have never been dt’s, thankfully; just habit. All in my head, quite frankly. It’s astonishing what our thoughts can lead us to do, isn’t it? Watching tv doesn’t help, either, let me tell you; alcohol is every where!!
And there are, of course, other habits that lead to drinking too: stressful day? Drink. Sunny day? Drink. Day off? Drink. Hanging with friends? Drink. Meet a new boy/girl friend? Celebrate! Break up with new boy/girl friend? Drink away the woe. The list goes on. Society and the media have gotten many of us in a habit-led rut, that’s for sure.
It’s the same with food; how many of us can’t eat a hamburger without fries? I can’t eat a tuna – or grilled cheese – sandwich without potato chips. It feels incomplete, which is all habit. Habit leads us in ways we don’t even realize; how we react to people and situation, how we dress, responses we give (“Awesome”…who says awesome without thinking to just about every single thing now?)…the list goes on.
And now I leave you with someone that had me absolutely rolling with laughter. It’s uncensored, so probably not safe for work. And let me just say, it’s not just white women in their 20’s. 😉