health · palliative lightwork

At A Loss For Words

Which is why I haven’t posted in so long. There’s too much to say, too much horror going on in the world and this country, too much…everything. What do you say to all that?

So I sit and retweet things on Twitter because others are saying it all and there’s nothing I can add to it. I cry and my heart breaks more and more each day. And don’t say “we aren’t this”. Obviously a vast amount of us ARE. And admit it, we always have been. We just sugarcoat things in history books and the news and to ourselves. Humans have an innate fear of things we don’t understand, and that turns to violence and rage and wars and murder and the list goes on and on.

We suck.

Not totally, but in many ways. Think about those little comments you say in your head when you see someone different, you know, the ones you would never say out loud because they aren’t nice things to say. It’s almost an unconscious act to have those thoughts. The problem is when people act upon them. Then the shit hits the damned fan and we end up with concentration camps (again…don’t forget that we’ve had them before; no ovens doesn’t mean they weren’t) and the government we have because they freaked out over a black president (what nerve he had!, they think)…

So…maybe not so much at a loss for words.

And this wasn’t even meant to be the focus of this post! I’m having a fibro flare like never before, and I am lost in the pain. Swimming in it. Someone get me the hell out of this pool, please. I’m reading fibro blogs, and something not in the slightest bit important jumped out at me: I like to read blogs, if they aren’t decades old, from the beginning if they interest me. Please, PLEASE put a calender widget in your sidebar! I read a post, hit ‘back’, and then have to scroll through the entire blog to get back to where I was. Over and over. ETA: discovered that if I read them via WordPress Reader, I can scroll through all the posts. Win!

I’m just sayin…


Want this shirt.

I’m too tired to eat properly, which isn’t helping at all, and I’m not sleeping enough, again, not helping, and I sit and read Twitter and blogs. I haven’t had a healing light client in months, which hurts my soul (honestly. I’m great at my day job, but it doesn’t feed my purpose in life), and this week, due to this flare, I won’t have a paycheck next week. Fun times.

OH, and I keep coming across people noticing that things they are doing online (and of course on their phones) are showing up as ads on FB and IG. Even from text messages. I re-upped IG recently because “everyone is on it and it’s the biggest marketing tool out there”…but those niggling feelings, coupled with our government now, has me planning to drop it again. Not that Twitter isn’t checking out our shit, too, I know. Stonekettle says that CounterSocial is a bullshit/Nazi/troll-free site, similar to Twitter, but you know how it goes…getting people to shift to something new is harder than getting that fake dude out of that office he didn’t actually win.

I think I’m out of words now. 😉

©Pip Miller – July 2019

One thought on “At A Loss For Words

  1. One thing I’ve learned since dumping cable and antenna tv (I’m a Streamer, apparently, although what I really am is a fan of no commercials and no Trump in my face) is that my life is much less stressful and depressing. My mental health is more important than seeing all the bad that is going on. Bad stuff has always gone on, and always will. I can’t fix it. Humanity has not yet evolved into enlightened beings, and I”m not sure it ever will. Hate and fear and needing to be feel superior seems to be our genetic lot. Subjecting myself to it every day is extremely detrimental, so I have stopped. You cannot avoid everything, but you can give it a good try. Twitter is especially bad, it’s all negative, negative, negative. I rarely visit there. I am very selective in who I follow on FB and Tumblr, too. Fix your own world. Be kind, be helpful, vote for good people, even the dog catcher, because bad people seem to rise to the top more than the good ones do. Don’t let them get a foot in the door. There is a lot of good in the world, and we tend to focus on the bad. I read somewhere that we are programmed to remember bad stuff, I think because it kept us alive way back, but bad stuff is different now, and we need to work harder to avoid it. A major thing, in my opinion, is to do, read, listen to, those things that make you feel good, and avoid, avoid, avoid, all the shit that is out there to make life feel miserable. I know someone who watches Fox News, for example, and does not agree with their propaganda, so is always angry. This is deliberate sabotage of his own well-being. Why subject yourself to things that make you angry or frustrated or depressed. Why? Sometimes I think we are not the sharpest tacks in the box.

    Stress is not good for fibro, and reading about all the shit that goes on is very stressful. Spending a lot of time on electronic media, tv, computer, etc., interferes with the ability to sleep well, too, and also cause stress, even if you’re just reading fluff and looking at pictures of rainbows. I prefer to read a book or fan fiction on my old unlit Kindle. It does not have the same effect on you as the others do.

    The pain will get better, mine always does, eventually, but if it doesn’t, speak to your doctor. Sometimes flares can set up a feedback loop of pain and you may need outside assistance from your doctor to break the cycle. I’ve had this crap illness for 20 years, so I’ve figured out a few things here and there. I think.

    Okay, feeling wordy today, but I had to save myself and my own sanity, and this is how I am doing it. I cannot fix the world, I tell myself this every day. No magic wands here, unfortunately. Feel better.



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